Everyone wonders about this. Are our friends having more sex than we do? Do any other couples have this problem where one partner has high desire, and the other one has little to none? There must be something really wrong with us! Everyone wants sex 24/7 don’t they? The answer to these most commonly asked questions are no. Not really. More than 40 million Americans feel stuck in low-sex or no sex marriages. Research studies tell us that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men reported little to no sexual desire. Sometime in a marriage more than 50% of couples experience one or both partners with little to no sexual desire.

Desire problems are the most frequent complaint of couples entering sex therapy. They are also often the unspoken complaint of couples entering relationship therapy. It is important to first rule out any physical or biological medical problems. With this in mind, it is recommended to make an appointment with your general medical doctor, or get a referral from your sexologist (Board certified Clinical Sexologist). Your therapist will recommend that the medical doctor run a hormonal profile along with a physical exam to rule out any other problems, such as medical disease or medications that could be affecting your libido or sexual desire.

Relationship issues of our American culture often include, sexual anxieties, inhibitions, and problems are the norm. We’re afraid of not doing it “right”, like in movies and books. “Right” would be intercourse, with both parties craving each other all the time and having simultaneous orgasms every time they’re intimate. In other words, “being all over each other 24 hours a day. This is not the case. Healthy sexuality means giving and receiving touching that is pleasurable. Sexuality and intimacy may include a variety of ways of showing love and affection for one another. There is no 1 one “right way” of making love. The optimal experience would be that of being together, with no “editing” of the respective partner. In other words, take your time, experiment, kiss, touch, and take time to build up the level of excitement with one another. If there is always an ultimate goal of an absolute outcome and the bedroom will be a happier place.

Pleasurable lovemaking is not a goal-oriented experience, but process oriented. (The journey, not the destination.) It allows both partners to enjoy pleasure. This can vary. Sometimes one or both has an orgasm and often neither. And that’s ok. What’s not alright is not caring about yours or your mate’s needs. There are many possible reasons for a discrepancy in desire between partners. One is biological. As I mentioned in the statistics previously, more than twice as many women than men have problems with sexual desire. This is because after the infatuation phase of the relationship, when hormones are running rampant, things settle down to natural biological rhythms. And biologically speaking, whoever has the most testosterone usually has the most desire. And of course, we know which gender that is.

Other common issues to both genders are performance anxiety, emotional pain in the relationship, coerced intimacy, sex used as a bartering tool, lack of energy and/or time, and fear of intimacy, just to name several. These can be helped with an insightful therapist. What you can do: see a relationship expert or sex therapist that can help you experience the pleasure and joy of intimate connection. This is truly what you deserve.

Posted: May 24th, 2008 under Sex therapy.
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Are you trying to get your ex girlfriend back but she is not responding your messages? Maybe you did something that you should not have done. Don’t worry, you are not alone and there’s help.

If this is true, don’t concern too much about it. The first steps are laid here for you. First, you have to stop doing any of the things listed here so you can get your ex girlfriend back.

So, how to get my ex girlfriend back without doing the wrong things? There are many things that you should avoid doing. We will just look at three of them here.

1) Arguing. Many people try arguing with their girlfriends about the break up. It’s an emotional thing, but believe me, this won’t help you any. It can only hurt your relationship more.

Trying to argue with your ex girlfriend will only make the situation worse. It will drive her further away and make more difficult to get her back. I understand that you want to talk about this, but in this moment trying to talk with your girlfriend is the wrong thing to do.

2) Spying You probably will want to spy on her to try to find out what happened. Maybe you worry she is seeing somebody else and want to catch her. Maybe you think she is secretly missing you and goes to all your favorite spots. Well, let me tell you, what is going to happen is that if she finds out you are spying on her, you will look like a fool.

3) Don’t vent your anger on others You may feel sad or even angry about the break up. However, never vent your anger on others, especially your girlfriend. Don’t do that to your friends too. News can spreads very fast, especially with people who like to gossip. Who knows what you have done may reach the ears of your ex girlfriend? No matter how angry you are, learn to control your own emotion. You still want to get your girl back.

If you avoid these things, you can start to lay the plan to get your ex back for real. Remember that this is a ongoing process and this is just the beginning.

Posted: May 20th, 2008 under Ex-partners.
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I will begin with expressing when and/or why you may need a sex therapist and what to expect in sex therapy, and what sex therapists can accomplish in your life. Initially, it is important to understand that we as human beings don’t exist in a unilateral world. We are almost always in relationship with one or another persons. Whether it be work or personal life, there is a systemic flow to who you are and how you interact in the world around you. In your relationship the issues of sex, intimacy, love, career, health and life in general all add up to who you are as a couple.

As sex therapists, it is often important to break down these individual issues and isolate the actual sexual issues from the relationship factors. Although if is often difficult to separate the two, that’s exactly what your sex therapist tries to do. In better understanding sequences of behavior and patterns of interaction in your relationship, therapy helps you to gain clarity on who you are and what you expect from your partner. Your relationship and sex life are not independent of one another.

Fixing a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the sex life automatically becomes healthy, though it can at times. There is a method behind the madness of therapy and sex therapy. We do not perform magic, though at times it can seem so. It is work, and hard work on everyone’s part. The original therapeutic models for sex therapy go back more than three decades to the pioneering sexologists.

We run into a myriad of issues. Some of them include, but are not limited to premature ejaculation, erectile disorder, performance anxiety, orgasms dysfunctions, low libido, and hundreds or other such complaints that often seem not fixable to the couple who enter our office with them, when often they are. Many feel they have “fallen out of love”. Sometimes that is the case, and sometimes they simply do not have the tools with which to work yet.

Many sex therapists also handle a variety of alternative lifestyle sexual and relationship issues. A very important issue we handle daily is human communication regarding a couple’s personal relationship and sexuality. We often have to wear many hats.

Most sex therapists devote much time and energy researching their profession, long after college, in order to gain an understanding of human sexuality and human behaviors as times change. The training and coursework is very specific to sexuality issues. In choosing a therapist of your choice, make sure that the clinician you choose, has received both a proper education, as well as clinical supervision from a university that offers a state qualified graduate program including human sexuality.

Posted: May 20th, 2008 under Sex therapy.
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The Internet is great. It lets you shop, it lets you find info, and now, it even lets you find a date. Of course it is much different from the traditional way, but it is certainly more convenient. There are tons of services, like FriendFinder, which have tons of members, so finding somebody with similar interests is a snap.

However, when dating online, you need to make sure you are safe. If you meet somebody on FriendFinder, and have only IMed/PMed them, you cannot be sure that person is safe. However, if you follow these guidelines, you can have a great online date.

First, you should always make the arrangements to meet your date. Don’t let your date pick you up at home or know your home address. This applies to both the first date and subsequent dates if you’re unsure of your interest in the person. You should also only give out your cell phone number, and not your home landline number which can be traced to your address. Don’t worry about anyone taking offense; this is your personal safety at stake and be very firm about this.

Next, you should always meet in a public place with large groups of people nearby. A concert, cafe, or a movie would be safe choices. Never meet in a secluded area or travel to one while on your first date. If possible, try to arrange to bring friends along as a double date. This may seem awkward on a first date but it’s important if you want stay safe in the online dating scene.

Another important safety tip is to avoid alcohol on your first date. You don’t want your judgement to be impaired or to let your guard down. If you do drink, however, keep your alcohol consumption to a minimum and always keep sight of your glass.

On a first date, it’s always a good idea to go dutch and pay your half of the bill. Doing so will not make your date feel that you’re obligated to have a second date in the event you aren’t interested. Don’t worry about offending and stand your ground.

Also, tell a friend where you are going with your date, and when you will be back. Have the friend call you to make sure you arrived home safely. Also, you could end your date by meeting up with friends.

And last but not least, trust your judgment. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t. If you feel uneasy with the person, don’t be afraid of ending your date early. Even though you may have talked with the person a lot by email, sometimes you can only pick up that something is not right with that person when you talk to him/her in person. If you use your judgment and common sense, you will have a great date!

Posted: May 18th, 2008 under Dating.
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It can be very complicated to find that true love everyone is looking for, and even more in today’s hectic society. Meeting people the old fashioned ways such as going to bars seem to take lots of our time and can be often disappointing. However nowadays the internet can be a very handy tool in meeting that special someone. Now I am going to give you some tips on how to be safe while trying to meet that special person.

On the Internet, there are tons of websites dedicated to find you your perfect match but having to talk to strangers you have never met before can be unnerving to say the least. So if you know a few tips to stay safe it will make it a better and an easier experience. Blind dates are known to usually end up in disaster so most people avoid them, and online dating is not that different. Happily with this next advice you will be able to improve your online dating experience a lot.

Finding a real certified website is important. And there are so many options you just need to look for one.

A webcam is a must and there are lost of very cheap ones. A webcam will facilitate you in that you will be able to see who are you talking to.

It is also smart to buy a microphone. A microphone will save you from all those bills from long distance calls since we never know where the person we will meet will be from.

Don’t give out your address or home phone number to a stranger.

If you plan to meet someone you’ve met online, bring a friend or meet in a public place during the day.

Always pay close attention to what the person you are with is telling you. Try to spot contradicting stories. If the person claims she is a doctor one week and a lawyer the next something is definitely wrong. There are a lot of online scammers around but they are usually not very smart and tend to get tangled in their own lies and if you pay attention you will spot them pretty easily.

Have fun. Not everyone you meet online will be a creepy liar. There are a lot of good people out there, just like you, who are looking for true love.

Dating can be fun, but safety is key. Create a safe environment in which you can learn more about the person you’re dating. Whether online or offline, initially you don’t know a lot about your date at first. You want to be in a comfortable and safe place where you can learn about them. Always listen to your gut instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

One of people’s biggest concerns about dating online is whether the person they meet is who they claim to be. Are they lying to you or not? Are they really who they say they are or are just pretending to be someone else? After lots of dates I have learned that people sometime lie and a lot of the time it’s mostly insecurity that makes them present themselves as a better option than they really are. So spotting honesty can be hard. If you really pay attention the microphone and webcam are super useful as you can see dishonesty in their face or notice it in their voice pretty much as in real life.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is never give out your home phone number or your personal address. This can be very dangerous for you. If you find that you do want to give out a phone number, consider giving them your cell phone number first, as these are harder to track. If you find the need to give out an address, consider investing in a PO Box. These are simple ways to protect yourself from any harm.

Also very important is to always meet in public places.If you think you finally found the person you want to start going out with and cannot wait to meet them for the first time, you can go ahead. But having that first meeting in a public place is always the best thing to do to protect your personal safety. It is much easier to avoid a bad experience while surrounded by people. If they are OK with it, you bringing a friend is also a good thing. Try suggesting a place where you can have a good excuse to bring a friend, such as bowling.

Try to have fun too. You don’t want to scare off your new date by telling him/her that you’ve already done a background check on them. Remember, not everyone is out there to hurt you. A lot of people are looking for true love and are just as scared as you are!

How to stay safe in the online dating scene doesn’t have to be complicated. So long as you follow the tips given above, you should be able to easily enjoy a nice dinner and movie with that new Mr. or Mrs. Right. Just remember to meet in a public place, listen carefully, follow your gut, and don’t give out too much information too soon. Have fun out there!

Posted: May 18th, 2008 under Online Dating.
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You and your Ex broke up for some reason or another and your not sure that was the best thing for the both of you. You want them back, but how are you going to do that?

Tip 1

You should decide what went wrong in the relationship. This way you will have a better relationship the second time around. You want to make sure that you know what you did wrong so that you don’t do it again.

2/ Find out if what happened is really going to be fixable

Did you cheat on your ex? Or where you just not as kind as you probably could have been? These are things that you need to ask yourself when you are trying to get back with your ex, because if you can’t fix what went wrong, there is no reason to even get back together anyway.

3/ Figure out why you think you should get back together.

Figure out the reason that you want to get back together with them. You should make sure that you have a good reason to get back together in the end and not just because you want to.

4/ Find out what your ex is doing now

This may not seem all that hard, but you may want to find out what they are doing and what you can do to get into their good graces.

Tip 5) Make Yourself Look Good

Look Good. You should make sure that you look good when you are going around after a break up. This si because you will be able to make them wonder what you are doing and they might decide that it was a mistake to break up

6/ Don’t talk bad about your ex

Don’t tell them that they look bad or other things that may be considered not nice. This will only make things worse and you will not be able to take it back later.

Tip 7) Don’t Tell Your Friends About It

It might be tempting to tell your friends about what happed between you and them, but you really shouldn’t do that. Many people think that their friends will be able to give them a hand with their ex, but that’s not true.

Tip 8

If they keep telling you know, then just listen to them and leave them alone. You can’t get your ex back if they won’t even talk to you.

Tip 9) Be Honest With Yourself

Don’t lie aobut things. You can’t tell people things that are not the truth and you should tell yourself as well as your ex the truth about how you feel, and listen to them about how they feel.

Tip 10) Respect What They Tell You

Respect Their Decision. If they tell you no, then that’s it. Don’t keep on bugging them and telling them how much you want to get back together with them.

Posted: May 16th, 2008 under Ex-partners.
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