Everyone wonders about this. Are our friends having more sex than we do? Do any other couples have this problem where one partner has high desire, and the other one has little to none? There must be something really wrong with us! Everyone wants sex 24/7 don’t they? The answer to these most commonly asked questions are no. Not really. More than 40 million Americans feel stuck in low-sex or no sex marriages. Research studies tell us that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men reported little to no sexual desire. Sometime in a marriage more than 50% of couples experience one or both partners with little to no sexual desire.

Desire problems are the most frequent complaint of couples entering sex therapy. They are also often the unspoken complaint of couples entering relationship therapy. It is important to first rule out any physical or biological medical problems. With this in mind, it is recommended to make an appointment with your general medical doctor, or get a referral from your sexologist (Board certified Clinical Sexologist). Your therapist will recommend that the medical doctor run a hormonal profile along with a physical exam to rule out any other problems, such as medical disease or medications that could be affecting your libido or sexual desire.

Relationship issues of our American culture often include, sexual anxieties, inhibitions, and problems are the norm. We’re afraid of not doing it “right”, like in movies and books. “Right” would be intercourse, with both parties craving each other all the time and having simultaneous orgasms every time they’re intimate. In other words, “being all over each other 24 hours a day. This is not the case. Healthy sexuality means giving and receiving touching that is pleasurable. Sexuality and intimacy may include a variety of ways of showing love and affection for one another. There is no 1 one “right way” of making love. The optimal experience would be that of being together, with no “editing” of the respective partner. In other words, take your time, experiment, kiss, touch, and take time to build up the level of excitement with one another. If there is always an ultimate goal of an absolute outcome and the bedroom will be a happier place.

Pleasurable lovemaking is not a goal-oriented experience, but process oriented. (The journey, not the destination.) It allows both partners to enjoy pleasure. This can vary. Sometimes one or both has an orgasm and often neither. And that’s ok. What’s not alright is not caring about yours or your mate’s needs. There are many possible reasons for a discrepancy in desire between partners. One is biological. As I mentioned in the statistics previously, more than twice as many women than men have problems with sexual desire. This is because after the infatuation phase of the relationship, when hormones are running rampant, things settle down to natural biological rhythms. And biologically speaking, whoever has the most testosterone usually has the most desire. And of course, we know which gender that is.

Other common issues to both genders are performance anxiety, emotional pain in the relationship, coerced intimacy, sex used as a bartering tool, lack of energy and/or time, and fear of intimacy, just to name several. These can be helped with an insightful therapist. What you can do: see a relationship expert or sex therapist that can help you experience the pleasure and joy of intimate connection. This is truly what you deserve.

Posted: May 24th, 2008 under Sex therapy.
Comments: none

I will begin with expressing when and/or why you may need a sex therapist and what to expect in sex therapy, and what sex therapists can accomplish in your life. Initially, it is important to understand that we as human beings don’t exist in a unilateral world. We are almost always in relationship with one or another persons. Whether it be work or personal life, there is a systemic flow to who you are and how you interact in the world around you. In your relationship the issues of sex, intimacy, love, career, health and life in general all add up to who you are as a couple.

As sex therapists, it is often important to break down these individual issues and isolate the actual sexual issues from the relationship factors. Although if is often difficult to separate the two, that’s exactly what your sex therapist tries to do. In better understanding sequences of behavior and patterns of interaction in your relationship, therapy helps you to gain clarity on who you are and what you expect from your partner. Your relationship and sex life are not independent of one another.

Fixing a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the sex life automatically becomes healthy, though it can at times. There is a method behind the madness of therapy and sex therapy. We do not perform magic, though at times it can seem so. It is work, and hard work on everyone’s part. The original therapeutic models for sex therapy go back more than three decades to the pioneering sexologists.

We run into a myriad of issues. Some of them include, but are not limited to premature ejaculation, erectile disorder, performance anxiety, orgasms dysfunctions, low libido, and hundreds or other such complaints that often seem not fixable to the couple who enter our office with them, when often they are. Many feel they have “fallen out of love”. Sometimes that is the case, and sometimes they simply do not have the tools with which to work yet.

Many sex therapists also handle a variety of alternative lifestyle sexual and relationship issues. A very important issue we handle daily is human communication regarding a couple’s personal relationship and sexuality. We often have to wear many hats.

Most sex therapists devote much time and energy researching their profession, long after college, in order to gain an understanding of human sexuality and human behaviors as times change. The training and coursework is very specific to sexuality issues. In choosing a therapist of your choice, make sure that the clinician you choose, has received both a proper education, as well as clinical supervision from a university that offers a state qualified graduate program including human sexuality.

Posted: May 20th, 2008 under Sex therapy.
Comments: none